TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
