In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
