I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
