I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
