At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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