It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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