my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
