The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
