i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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