saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
