On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
