Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize