i already hear my dad disowning me
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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