so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
