A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
