this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
