My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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