I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
