I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
