he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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