i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
