my mouth tastes like poor choices
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
