I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
so much tequila, so little girl.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
