Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
