there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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