this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
