Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Found the puke drawer
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
