Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
