I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
