i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
