I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize