like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
