this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
