You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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