ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
