ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
