I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
