I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
