I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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