Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
