dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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