I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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