That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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