Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
