In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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