You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
