I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
