new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
