He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
