I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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