It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
