I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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