she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
