so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
bring money and cleavage
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
