If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize