i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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