At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Help. Why am I so naked?
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