I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
