I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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