your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
