her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
