btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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