So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
