Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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