im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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