4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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