I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
