If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sorry about my life...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
