So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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